Can't take them anywhere!!!

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
UUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
LALALALALALALALALALALALALA!!!!!!

Okay I feel better. Let me just explain.

Nate finished up his finals last Thursday. Friday we decided to go out to eat to celebrate. We hit this really good Mexican place just down the road. I've been there twice, but Nate's never been. We order our food and wait. Iris eats almost the whole bowl of free chips herself. Then claims she needs to go pee pee. So I take her. On my way back, Abby says she needs to go pee pee. I take her. On the way back, Iris needs to go pee pee again. By now our food is there and we start eating. I think there was another trip to the potty for me in there somewhere. Iris is standing on the bench with a taco in her hand dropping cheese and meat at her feet. Abby is making twisted "this is disgusting" faces at the enchilada SHE ORDERED. So she downs her quesadilla and asks for some of my beans. Then Iris says she needs to go pee pee again and I refuse to which she shouts, "PEE PEE, PEE PEE" about ten times while grabbing her crouch. So Nate takes her this time so I can finish my dinner. While they are gone I happen to look at Abby and she is.... wait for it.... take a deep breath... LICKING THE WALL!!! OME!!! I can't believe she is licking the wall so I just stare at her dumbfounded. She finally looks up and we are staring at each other for a minute and then she says... wait for it... "What? I wasn't licking the wall." I feel sorry for the people behind me and Iris as they had to hear her scream PEE PEE over and over. All the while Nate and I are trying to have a grown up conversation which was not only interrupted by our crazy kids, but the fact that Nate forwarded our home calls to his cell phone because we were waiting for someone to come buy our stroller.

Ah...

Tonight I asked some friends over for dinner. They have two kids, one is 5 and one is 3. While we are at dinner, Abby decides to show off by playing with her food and standing up, sitting down, standing up, sitting down. I send her to her room. Iris asks for everything on the table even though she knows, and I know and she knows that I know she isn't going to eat anything but a roll and milk. Finally we are finished with dinner (which was stuffed peppers and absolutely delicious). The kids go upstairs to play. Well all but Iris who ends up screaming when her ball toy falls on her. Once comforted she goes upstairs. Then Abby comes down to tell me Iris has unrolled the dental floss which would be IMPOSSIBLE if Abby had left the bathroom doors closed. See we have handy little door knob covers to prevent Iris from getting in the bathroom to drink the shampoo and unroll dental floss. Abby quickly denies opening the doors and her friends quickly accuse Abby of opening the doors. Then it is time for them to leave, so they are helping to clean up. Abby decides that she wants her friend to vacuum up a plate with the fake vacuum while friend's mother tells friend's brother that he can pick it up. Abby is furious and.... wait for it... SASSES MY FRIEND. To which she gets a very loud and public rebuke from me. Then they are on their way to the car and Abby decides to go outside without shoes, okay just stay on the porch. Then she doesn't and Nate gets involved and physically takes her inside and puts her on the rug. Iris is screaming that she wants to go with our friends and won't take no for an answer (I can't even fathom why she wants an escape... or why I can't go with my friend). Then our friends drive off.

Ah.....

Then Nate tells Abby to go to bed, Iris screams and flails while I try to get her in bed (still mad she couldn't go with our friends). Then she screams after brushing because I won't let her near the floss. I tell Abby to go potty, she says no, I say fine, then she says... wait for it... SHE HAS TO GO! Then Iris goes potty, decides she wants to play with the soap, I don't let her, she screams, I wash her hands for her. I put Iris in her bed and walk out.

Iris cries for about 10 minutes, but both girls were in their beds at 7:30pm. I had absolutely reached my crying, screaming, stomping, tantrum, sassing limit! Not only can we not take them out to eat for fear of a million potty breaks and licking the walls, but NOW we can't even have anyone over. What demons have possessed my beautiful angels?